maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.