Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

If i could tip my vagina, i would.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"

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(425): View more from Washington

Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.

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(219): View more from Indiana

I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(858): View more from California

Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

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(903): View more from Texas

Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!

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