I can't watch pbs sober anymore
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
