I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
