Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
