omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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