your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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