took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
