ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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