i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i need some magic done to my vagina
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
