This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
