i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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