I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
