OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
