I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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