I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
