You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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