how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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