using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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