He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
