so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
