i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
