K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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