My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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