beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
