His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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