She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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