so explain again why im purple
no
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
