he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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