video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
