I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
