As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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