I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
