she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
