My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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