My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
