also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
