That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
