Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
