More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
