Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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