I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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