evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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