He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
