so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
