This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
