im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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