Yo dont text me then not text me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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