i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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