dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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