Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
