And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
