My underwear smells like fireworks.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
