im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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