I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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