I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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