well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
