It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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