I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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