I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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