Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize