he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
