she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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