So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
