walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
