yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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