I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
