hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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