Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
