ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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