Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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