i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
