Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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