Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
