good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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