I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I stole a fireplace last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
