You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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