Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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