I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
