just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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