Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
