I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
